Life holds nothing for me.

So tired, no energy, a struggle to get up. Don’t really want to get up. I look at all the things I should be doing. I haven’t the energy. I’m such a failure; I can’t seem to do anything right. Don’t want to be around people, they judge me. No, I am not lazy or am I? And the pressure just keeps on coming. The PAIN mounts, and is life even worth living?

The mountains of grief and shame squeezing, shaping me, making me so little, almost invisible. Everywhere I turn, I see the condemnation is their eyes. I shrink even more, wishing I could fall through the floor. – So, I don’t go out any more.

The mountains of guilt and blame burn so hot. There is no where to go. There is no where to hide in reality. There is no one to understand. I wish I could Die. The heat makes my heart so sore.

The mountain of self-hate, I am so worthless. I am told to “get over it” or “move on”. Everything I do turns out wrong. Wish I hadn’t been born. Can’t stand to look at my self. I take the mountains and stuff them into nowhere. The tears will not flow. I am such a naïve.

The mountains of pain weighing and crushing me down. The rage and resentments of the years cry for freedom. I can’t let them go; the armor I wear has built up in the years. The armor, does it keep me safe or am I just it’s salve? My anger Spirals faster and hotter as each day passes.
The mountains of pain weighing and crushing; The burning, I can’t stop it anymore. I feel like I’m on fire. Don’t anyone touch me. It magnifies the burning. Just leave me alone. No one can help. They don’t know what I have lived through.

The mountains of pain weighing and crushing; The burning, it is consuming me. Why am I even here? I need to hide, I need to die. Then I wont’ have to feel, the hell I have been living. I won’t have to see the hurt I’ve caused. I won’t have to see the looks that go right through me, as if I didn’t exist.

The mountains of pain weighing and crushing; I’m crying silently, no one to see my tears. This hell I’m living, I can’t take it anymore. I have my plan in place. I’m leaving this hell hole. I won’t have to suffer the pain that comes like waves hitting the shores, I’ll let go. Life holds nothing for me. Life holds nothing for me!!! LIFE HOLDS NOTHING FOR ME!!!!